The company I worked for had our stock programs with E*TRADE for a brief period. When they transferred the stock out, I was left with a balance of $.49 in the account. The company dutifully sent me quarterly statements telling me they still had my $.49. I decided I should just close the account and let them stop sending me statements. Below is a rough transcript of my communications with the E*TRADE customer representatives (ECR):
ECR: Welcome to E*TRADE customer service, my name is _____, how can I be of assistance?
Me: I would like to close my account with you.
ECR: Is there something the matter with our services?
Me: No, My company was using you for their stock plan and moved to a different company. There is a balance of $.49 in my account and I figure that it would be easier to just get it back so you don't have to keep sending me statements.
ECR: I understand, I'll send you a check for $.49 and close the account.
Me: Thank you.
So I wait. No check comes. I get another quarterly statement saying I have $.49 in my account. I try again.
ECR: Welcome to E*TRADE customer service, my name is _____, how can I be of assistance?
Me: I called a few months ago about closing my account and was told I would be sent a check but have never recieved it and I just got a quarterly statement saying that I still have $.49 in my account.
ECR: I can take care of that and get a check out to you.
Me: Thank You.
More waiting. No check. I let a couple of statements come and then decide it is annoying and I will try again.
ECR: Welcome to E*TRADE customer service, my name is _____, how can I be of assistance?
Me: I called a while ago about closing my account and was told I would be sent a check twice now but I have never recieved it and I just got a quarterly statement saying that I still have $.49 in my account.
ECR: Let me see what I can find... I can't close your account over the phone, you would need to send a letter in requesting that we close it.
Me: So I have to spend $.32 to get my $.49? Meanwhile you might send me another color printed statement that probably costs that much?
ECR: Yeah it is pretty silly. Let me see what I can do... I'll be able to send you the check.
Me: Thank you.
More waiting... Still no check. At this point life is busy and I figure if they want to keep sending me statements I'll let them until I have a chance to call them. But another year or two goes by and I decide to try again.
ECR: Welcome to E*TRADE customer service, my name is _____, how can I be of assistance?
Me: I have called multiple times to try and close my account and get a check for my $.49. I have been told three times that a check would get sent out to me but it has never happened. Meanwhile, you have sent me quarterly statements that I'm sure cost a total of $3-$4 for you to print. Can I just close the account?
ECR: I would be happy to close your account. It will cost $10 for the check.
Me: What?
ECR: Yes, our standard fee for writing a check is $10.
Me: So you want me to pay $10 for my $.49?
ECR: If you want to get the money out, yes. We can just close your account and keep your money.
Me: I suppose that would at least stop the statements. I protest though as the company has promised me my $.49 three times and never delevered.
ECR: Shall I close your account then and we will keep the money?
Me: I suppose so but I do this under protest.
ECR: I have closed your account.
Me: Thanks, I think.
So it was done, the account was closed and I wouldn't get anymore statements. Three months later, I get another statement. I can't believe the effort I am putting into this so I send a letter to their customer service:
To whom it may concern,
This email is being sent as a last contact from myself to your company. The firm that I work in used E*TRADE for a while for our stock plan. When our stock was transferred out, I was left with a balance of $.49 cents or there about. In the interveneing years, I have called E*TRADE customer service four times in an attempt to close out the account and get that $.49. The first three times, I was promised that a check would be immediately sent out to me. Needless to say, that check never arrived. The fourth time I called, I was told that I would have to pay $10 in order to get my check for $.49. I told them this was unacceptable. At this point the woman helping me said she could close my account and just keep the $.49. I told them that I protested that as I had been promised my check three times already but that it could stop the mailings. She siad she would close the account. Funny that a little while later, I got another statement saying I have $.49 left in my account. At this point, I hope that you will continue to send my account statements. I figure that you have payed for at least 20 mailings to me and at least 4 hours of customer service time, all to keep hold of my $.49. Since this appears to be the way you do business, please continue to send me statements which I will continue to ignore. My time isn't worth the $.49 but I'm glad to know you will keep spending much more than that keeping me informed of it.
Their response:
Dear Client,
Thank you for your inquiry regarding XXXX. We would be happy to assist you with this information; however, your request was sent via an unsecured email. To send a secure email, please log into your account and select Banking & Credit Cards >> Bank Reports >> Customer Service >> Contact Us. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
I hope this information has been helpful.
(Note the XXXX is theirs, they didn't even bother to fill out a subject for the letter)
So, I keep getting statements and they keep sending me things but I would certainly never trust them with more than my $.49.
